


Blinding Lights

by lexicalacuna



Series: Desiderata [2]
Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Loneliness, Miscarriage, Mutual Pining, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:22:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24592246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lexicalacuna/pseuds/lexicalacuna
Summary: One shot. Mutual hurt and pining.Oswald has returned to his empire, but she's always on his mind.Sequel/Companion fic to "Propinquity."Song fic inspired by The Weeknd Song.
Relationships: Oswald Cobblepot/Original Female Character(s), Oswald Cobblepot/Reader, Oswald Cobblepot/You
Series: Desiderata [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1782805
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	Blinding Lights

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS/SPOILERS: Loss of pregnancy/miscarriage. 
> 
> Departure from canon, I hope it is somewhat coherent.

_ I been tryna call _ _  
_ _ I been on my own for long enough _ _  
_ _  
_ _  
_ Oswald does not know he manages it.    
How he manages to pre-empt and survive Gabe’s betrayal, how he manages to survive the absolute mania of Gotham being throttled by the Tetch virus. How he manages to get Nygma on his side again (albeit, with some….finagling), his past infatuation and affections eclipsed by his recent encounters.    
  


_ Maybe you can show me how to love, maybe _ _  
_ _ I'm going through withdrawals _ _  
_ _  
_ _  
_ She’s always in the peripheries of his thoughts and it shows.    
He changes couriers every time but every month, he ensures she’s taken care of. Sends her a stipend, an allowance- a reassurance that he’s thinking of her.    
But he cannot bring himself to do it himself, knowing that that was one slippery slope he did not want to go down.    
  


_ You don't even have to do too much _ _  
_ _ You can turn me on with just a touch, baby _ _  
_ _  
_ _  
_ In the rare moments that he has time to touch himself, it’s always her that he’s picturing. The mischievous glint in her eyes, the way her hair fell about her shoulders when she sat astride him.    
It’s her voice ringing in his ear when he comes.    
  
The loneliness after he comes is blaring and deters him from indulging those desires- they served as too potent a reminder of a memory he needed to bury.    
  


_ I look around and Sin City's cold and empty (oh) _ _  
_ _ No one's around to judge me (oh) _ _  
_ _ I can't see clearly when you're gone _ _  
_ _  
_ _  
_ When Gotham was wrecked by the throes of the Tetch virus, every day vacillated between isolated anticipation and a storm of gunfire. He had hunkered down, making strategic moves when he needed to.    
  


_ I said, ooh, I'm blinded by the lights _ _  
_ _ No, I can't sleep until I feel your touch _ _  
_ _  
_ It is when he finally opens The Iceberg Lounge that he finally relents.    
He had gotten news from his latest courier that not only had the young lady refused the latest payment, but had chucked the cash from every other payout back at him, not a dollar out of place.    
He was moved by both indignance and curiosity at her sheer impudence and defiance. If he was honest with himself, the overwhelming loneliness and longing was beginning to wear down his resolve and this presented    
  
He orders his driver to follow his instructions, never disclosing her address, giving him directions only when necessary.    
  
  
_ I said, ooh, I'm drowning in the night _ _  
_ _ Oh, when I'm like this, you're the one I trust _ _  
_ _  
_   
His eyes follow the skyline as they cross the bridge out of Gotham, watching the twinkling lights fade away into the distance, the inky expanse of the night peppered with more and more constellations as they drove deeper into the country.   
  
He does not know what to say to her, every permutation of their conversations, every greeting- it all goes awry in his head. His thoughts swim with indignance, impatience, hurt and confusion- he struggles to be coherent. 

_ I can never say it on the phone (say it on the phone) _ _  
_ _ Will never let you go this time (ooh) _ _  
_ _  
_ When they finally arrive at the cottage, he allows himself a small smile at the sight of the building, his smile faltering slightly as he sees that the lights are on in the kitchen.    
  
He swallows thickly, ordering the driver to stop the car and to standby.    
He pulls his coat tighter around him and gets out of the car, leaning heavily on his cane as he walked towards the house, preparing himself for a moment he had been waiting for for months.    
  
\---   
She could barely hear the car approaching, but sees the glare of the headlights from far away. She rolls her eyes, setting down the ladle with a thud as she prepares herself for another encounter with one of Oswald’s goons.    
  
She didn’t want the money- it made her feel like a kept woman, a status she rejected because their time together had meant so much more to her.    
  
The fact he never came to her himself stung and her anger and bitterness only grew.    
  
The fact that she lost the baby didn’t help.    
She found out a week or so after he left, had forced herself to take a test after feeling off for a while. That and the late period also seemed to suggest something was up.    
  
She was conflicted- overjoyed yet anchored down by the blooming realization that this would not work out- for either of them. Yet, she allows herself moments of tenderness, her hand settling on her belly with a small smile, the thought that their encounters had led to something like this softening her anger.    
  
She longed to tell him but did not know how to contact him, not wanting to leave the news with one of his goons. So she suffered the cold alone, feeding herself as best as she could, keeping warm, keeping busy, surviving.    
  
Somehow it does not come as a surprise to her when one day she is wracked with cramps and pain, when she starts bleeding heavily. A trip to the nearby physician confirms her suspicions and it took all of her resolve to not completely break down in front of the older lady, who regarded her with pity, gingerly patting her arm as she quickly excused herself, bundling up to head home for a good cry.    
  
She is broken out of her reverie by the sharp knocks on the door. She pulls her cardigan tighter around her, before storming to the door.    
  
“What did I tell you, you tell him-” she starts, all fired up, her words dying in her throat when she realized who was at the door.    
  
It was him.    
  
His hair was meticulously styled and spiked, his eyes dark rimmed, his form shrouded in heavy, expensive looking fabrics, his appearance dripping of his newfound luxury.    
  
“Oswald,” she manages, biting her lower lip, swallowing thickly, straightening up, trying to keep it together.    
  
He smiles at her, nodding at her home. “May I come in?” he asks, taking a step towards her home.    
  
She nods mutely, stepping aside to let him in, still dumbfounded by the sudden visit.    
  
“It’s been a while,” he continues, trying to break the ice, shrugging off his coat and hanging it up, sitting on her small couch, glancing at the space next to him, hoping she would join him.    
  
She stares at him, still numb with disbelief, her arms still crossed, embracing herself.    
  
He drops the pretenses, his smile falling away as he sits up straight, watching her.    
  
“Please talk to me. I know I’ve been away-” he began, keeping his tone even.    
  
“You left.” she said simply, her tone cold, distant. It was the only way she knew how to play it after all that had transpired between them.    
  
He shakes his head, meeting her eyes, noticing the dark circles there, the exhaustion in the lines of her face. “You knew this,” he said firmly, nodding his head.    
  
“You never came back,” she continued, her voice finally cracking on the last word, her tears betraying her as they ran down her face, hot and wet.    
  
He felt a prickle of anger, of despair, composing himself before he spoke again. “You knew this, you know I couldn’t stay, you anger is-” he starts, the volume of his voice rising as well.    
  
“There was a baby,” she said abruptly, her defiance and growing anger getting the better of her as she finally forces out the revelation she was forced to keep secret for so long.    
  
His anger dissipates as rapidly as it had come and his expression betrays his joy, then his confusion. “Was?” he says softly, moving to stand in front of her, his brows furrowed.    
  
She glances up at him, annoyed that his proximity sent a thrill of excitement and comfort through her.    
  
“I lost it,” she murmurs softly, her voice small, overwhelmed by the moment.    
  
His anguish is palpable, his face betraying his grief, mouth agape as he stares off, trying to process her words.    
  
He embraces her, pulling her towards him, her face buried in the crook of his neck as he hush her tightly, fiercely, the pent up emotion from being months apart finally coming to a head.    
  
All obstinacy and anger melts away and she succumbs to her loneliness, sobbing heavily as she hugs him to her, breathing in the scent of him, barely discernible over the expensive cologne that he wore.    
_  
_ “How could you just go?” she asked mournfully, her voice heaving with tears. She pulled away to look up at him, her face streaked with tears, eyes rimmed with red.    
  
“You knew I loved you, and you left,” she continued, the last word warbling as she hit his chest, shaking her head and glancing down.    
  
“You knew I had to go,” he managed, trying to remain in control, his arms still embracing her, needing to feel her against her. “I had-”   
  
“I loved you. And you just left.” she repeated, stepping away from him, her tone accusatory as she faced him.    
  
“I love you too,” he manages softly, reaching for her, stung when she pulls away, shaking my head.    
  
“You didn’t even tell me. You just left. You left knowing I needed you, loved you,” she continues, temper flaring, tears running afresh, stepping just out of his grasp, moving to lean against the kitchen counter, trying to steel herself.    
  
“I had to go and you couldn’t come, you would have been in danger, a moving target-” he tried to reason, moving towards her.    
  
“A liability, yes, you said,” she snapped, eyes alit with anger. She laughed humourlessly, glancing down. “I’m a fucking idiot for falling for a random guy,” she mutters, swiping angrily at her face.    
  
He reaches her and pulls her to him, surprised but relieved that she does not pull away. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs, brushing a kiss across her cheek, holding her tight against him, letting his emotions rule his actions.    
  
She acts on impulse and she cups the nape of his neck, moving to press her lips fiercely against his, all the anger and the longing poured into that single kiss.    
  
He reciprocates immediately, hungrily kissing her back, his tongue meeting hers in a rough writhe of passion. She takes and takes, her hands moving to cradles his face, hungrily breathing in his scent before finally pulling away, burying her face against his neck, hugging him fiercely.    
  
“I’ve missed you so much.” she mumbles against his skin, relishing the way his embrace tightens about her, holding her closer, registering the fact he had her pressed up against the counter and the proximity sent a thrill of arousal through her.    
  
“I’ve missed you too,” he murmurs, gently swaying, soothing her.    
  
He takes a moment to summon his bravery before he acts. He gently cups her face, tilting her face up to meet his gaze.    
  
“And I love you too. I apologize for not saying it sooner,” he murmurs, moving to kiss her again, trying to telegraph all that he wanted to say in that kiss, hoping she would understand.    
  
\---   
  
They end up in bed, his body wrapped about her this time. He asks about how she has been, tells her about his days, his hands idly exploring her body, tracing shapes on her skin, his lips ghosting across the shell of her ear. Her hand is intertwined with his, her thumb stroking his skin idly as she listens. At one point she turns to face him, nuzzling into his chest, kissing his neck and lips, needing more of him, starved of his touch. He reciprocates, his actions remaining chaste and gentle.    
  
She tries her best to kep awake, knowing full well he would be gone the moment she drifted off. But the emotional exhaustion of their reunion has taken its toll on her and she falls asleep, swaddled in his embrace.   
  
\---   
  
When she wakes up in the middle of the night, the bed is cold. She pulls the covers about her, shivering, the negative space accentuated by the day’s events.    
The moonlight comes in through the pane, illuminating the empty space next to her, a hand idly coming to rest on the empty spot, her tears slowly trickling down her face. 

_ I said, ooh, I'm blinded by the lights _

_ No, I can't sleep until I feel your touch _


End file.
